He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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