went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
