i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
