So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
