Got a toothbrush?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
