Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
