biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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