Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
