As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Randomize
