what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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