don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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