she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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