I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
my poor anus
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
