I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
