I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Oh god it's open bar.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
