dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
