Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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