sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
