He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
