just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
