i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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