I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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