Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I think i peed on brittanys purse
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
