the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
