yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
