we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
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Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
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The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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