Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
