She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
