So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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