I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
is that a dick in a sweater?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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