I think i peed on brittanys purse
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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