I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
