My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
