I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
