my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
