so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Be still, my beating vagina.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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