you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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