I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
