Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
