god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
