You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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