It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
