i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
