Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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