he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
