so explain again why im purple
no
he puts the penis in happiness.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
