last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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