do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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