Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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