I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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