Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
