I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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