Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
