Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
