I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
