I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
