Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
whose parrot is this?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
