your parents love me but you hate me
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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