We're like a lot better than the average bears
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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