Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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