fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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