How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
